where am i?

It's an undeniably strange thing to be in the life I'm in. Let's review:

• I'm 25.

• I'm a college sophomore at a small, friendly, residential school, thus I live on campus, in a dorm, completely submersed in college life.

• I used to be married, but now I'm divorced.

• I have a good amount of work experience and used to be pretty good with my finances back when I had an income and rent to pay. Now I have essentially no income and feel irresponsible with money. Most of my friends have only had part-time summer jobs and are still financially dependent on their parents.
  

• I'm in a relationship with a wonderful boyfriend (Adam) who I was close friends with in high school, so he's my age, but now out of college and working full time, like most people my age.

Lots of people go back to college in their mid 20's. That's no shocker. But most of them do it either by taking evening classes or commuting, not typically upturning their adult life and regressing back to being a full-time, dorm-dwelling, activity-involved, party-going college student.

On a daily basis, when I am going about my life, this doesn't get to me. I have many wonderful, accepting friends, so it doesn't stand out to me that I'm in a different place in life from them. But when things are quiet, when I'm alone, when my emotions feel screwed with, then I feel the conflict within my identity. I feel the dissonance between what I used to be and what I currently exist as.

Generally, Adam bridges this gap, helping me feel authentic, like I'm not faking being someone I'm not. With him in my life, I know I'm not just pretending the parts of my life between 1998-2004 never happened. He's the only person in my day-to-day life who knows me from my married days, who knew me before I came here, thus, I know I have some link to who I was/am. He's my reality check. My life feels balanced with him in it.

But somehow, when he comes into my college life, everything gets shaken up. It's like I can live in both worlds, but not at the same time. I can switch back and forth from college kid to mature adult in long-term relationship, but I can't be both at the same time.

I don't understand why this is. It's hard to be comfortable in a place of such dissonance.