t u e s d a y : : b l u e

m o n d a y : : y e l l o w (one more)

m o n d a y : : y e l l o w

Yellow is an appropriate color today, because today I am doing a project for work that involves many yellow post-its and many yellow highlights. I have to enter hundreds and hundreds of names into a database, and seeing as how it is very monotonous , I am more than happy to focus on pretty colors. I'm also glad I get to work at home in my own office, at my own pace.

It was Andrea's idea (she's my blogging hero yet again) to continue the color party that started some time ago. It's perfect timing for me, so I don't mind to be lagging behind all these other folks.

Join in the coloriness:

monday: yellow
tuesday: blue/turquoise
wednesday: green
thursday: white or brown or black
friday: orange
saturday: red or purple or pink

getting it

(Sorry for the lack of photos. Blogger is being annoying and not letting me post an image.)


I'm coming out of an overwhelmed confusion. My thoughts feel so abstract and intangible. Within a month, I've gone from living in a dorm having no idea where I would be living for the summer, much less for the next two years, to staying in a homeless shelter for ten days, to living in my very own house with my very own boyfriend and our very own furniture. I've gone from wishing I had a home, to experiencing life free of possessions, to being completely centered around material needs. “We need silverware, we need salt and pepper, we need book shelves, we need a couch...” is the kind of thinking I've come back to, after a week of talking with people who live on the benches next to the fountain in front of Union Station, hearing them talk of the struggle to find shelter when it rains.

I waver from moment to moment between being driven to get things done around the house and being completely paralyzed. I haven't written here for a while, partly because of how abstract my thoughts are, and partly because I think to myself “if I write, I'm keeping myself from something else I should be doing.” I feel guilty for indulging myself.

But then the words come back to me, of the pastor at the church we attended Sunday of our trip.

“I don't apologize for what I have, because I know what I went through to get it.”

...and that combines in my mind with the words of Mr. Burton who runs the shelter we stayed at. Nobody wants you to feel ashamed for what you have. Just share it.

As I look at paint samples to decide what color to paint the living room, and pick out a comfy reading chair for my office, I remind myself that feeling guilty for what I have won't help me help anyone. Creating a beautiful life that motivates me to see the beauty everywhere will.

“Life beats down and crushes the soul, and art reminds you that you have one.”
Stella Adler

deep breath

It's been hard to reflect because of the things that have been happening this past month, most of which I was completely unprepared for.

- I took Lucy to the vet a couple weeks ago, thinking she was having digestive problems. As it turned out, she was severely anemic, and her abdominal and chest cavities had filled with fluid so she was unable to take air into her lungs. The vet suspected she had cancer. It was a complete shock to us, but it was recommended that we allow her to be put to sleep that day. I've never made such a painful decision. Both Adam and I were able to be there with her as she was put to rest painlessly and peacefully, which we were thankful for. I can't think about it anymore right now. There have been many tears.

You can read about how Lucy came into my life here, and see Adam's Mascot Monday tributes to her here, here, here, and here.

- I traveled to Washington DC with 12 other people from campus, on a trip called "Crossroads of the Powerful and the Powerless." We lived in the world's largest homeless shelter for 10 days, working and getting to know the residents and volunteers (who are also residents). In the afternoons, we would venture to Capitol Hill to meet with state representatives and tour the buildings from which our country is managed. We discussed issues of power, wealth and faith with each other and with those we met everywhere from the street to the Capitol. It was an unforgettable experience. I'm still processing all that happened.

- Adam and I have moved into our new home. We just got our internet connection hooked up on Saturday, and my computer is being worked on so I have to use Adam's. But we're getting settled in, taking it one room at a time. It feels lonely without Lucy, but we're happy to be with each other. This is our first home together, and so far we're having a great time making it ours.