– marriage week – day 2

What to me is an ideal marriage?

1. It adapts to fit both our lives. It changes with the times and the years and circumstances.

How terribly Gen X does that make me sound? Expecting that the timeless institution of MARRIAGE should change to fit my life? How selfish does it make me to expect that in committing my life to a partner, that partner should adapt to my needs...

But no, wait. That isn't what I'm saying. I'm not saying that the other person is supposed to conform to whatever are my wants and desires. I'm saying that the relationship should reflect us as we both change and grow.

Let's say I'm married, and there is a time when we both have great opportunities to work in jobs that are in different cities. Maybe one of us feels that the opportunity is not worth being apart. But maybe we both want to see what we can learn from the experiences, so one of us moves, and the other stays, and we see how it works. But we still love each other, and we're still committed to each other, and we still want to be together in the long run.

2. We want to be together. We enjoy spending time together. We can be sitting in a car together, talking or not talking, and still enjoying each other's company. We can be working through painful or difficult problems, but we're working through them because afterward, we want to come out stronger and closer.

3. We respect each other. We don't habitually make jokes at the other's expense, to friends, family, or to each other. We are both willing to do our share of work, and willing to take on extra when the other is stressed. But we communicate when we need help, rather than being passive aggressive, or trying to take on too much.

4. We can seek counseling together if things are going wrong, rather than letting things deteriorate. We act on this before it is too late. In times of extreme difficulty, we would both make fixing the problems in our marriage our first priority, with equal effort on both sides. We are be able to forgive each other.

5. We respect each other's interests. I will have interests that my partner doesn't share, but he shouldn't resent or make fun of those interests, rather he should delight in my enthusiasm for things that add variety to both our lives. Likewise, my partner will have interests that I don't share, but he must have the space to enjoy them, and I should support him and appreciate that he is a different person from me. Also, we would pursue some interests together.

6. We find the balance between freedom and commitment. We encourage each other to be individuals, to have alone time, to have social time with other friends. But we don't neglect to spend quality time together regularly.

7. We travel regularly together.

8. It is a timeless friendship, full of laughter, good memories, and closeness. We are a comfort to each other. We appreciate each other, and communicate openly. We learn each other.

9. We are very attracted to each other, making sure to let each other know this openly. We enjoy both quiet physical closeness and crazyintensewildfabulouspassion, depending on our mood.

10. We do things for each other to make everyday life more fun, like leaving notes for each other, surprising each other, and being playful.