counting down

This is where I shall be spending the next 68 hours of my life. Not a bad place to spend it, but I must lock myself in my office/studio (I haven't decided whether to call it an office or a studio yet. "Studio" says- fun things happen here, "office" says- get to work! Both send valuable messages.) to study and write papers until 1:30 on Wednesday, when my last exam (French II) begins. (It's actually my only exam, but the papers I have to finish by Tuesday are the scariest part.) Two or three hours later, I'll be done with this most chaotic semester ever, and free to bake Christmas cookies and crochet scarves to my heart's content.

Just 68 hours to go.

finals week

Next week, for one of my final papers, I must turn in a portfolio of all that I have written in the class this semester, including a few things from youth and childhood, and write a retrospective essay on who I am as a writer as evidenced by the portfolio.

To prepare for the assignment, I have been rooting through boxes of childhood artwork and journals and such, trying to figure out who my writing self is, how I am different from when I was 10, how I am the same.

It's a somewhat overwhelming task, but fascinating to see that since age three (as noted in the image above), I have loved writing. Throughout my life, writing has been an essential form of expression for me.

As far as blogging everyday goes-- it seems doing anything everyday, especially during the last week of the semester, is just asking a bit much of me. But, writing more often was the goal, and writing more often is what I am doing.

pine-flavored chew toy

I missed a day yesterday, but my resolve is unwavering and I continue onward.

We have a Christmas tree! Last night, Adam and I trekked out into the dark evergreen wilderness (which is actually a nearby garden center) and brought home a lovely pine tree to place in the living room. Truman seems to believe this is a pine-flavored chew toy, and enjoys trying to drink the water from the stand.

Before buying the tree and after a tremendous deal of forethought, we picked out some ornaments to put on our first Christmas tree. (This is our first Christmas living together.) We had a few ornaments of our own already, but it was fun to pick out some to start a collection together.

Also, after a life long search, I have finally found the perfect stocking. I've never been very fond of the cookie-cutter ones most stores have, with the stiffness and the cheap-o fuzzy fabric. At the craft store, I found the perfect, soft knit stockings... and they were half-off!

I am getting more excited about Christmas this year than I have in years.

making things

I am coming out of a deep pit of frustration. A week or two ago, I was feeling as though I work at a non-stop pace, without ever having a satisfying outcome, without a sense of accomplishment.

This weekend, the chaplain's office is holding a bazaar to raise money for all the spring and summer mission teams. Since I am on the Northern Ireland team, I had to make something to sell. These are the results of my efforts.

Until I sat down to work on the project, I hadn't realized how long it had been since I made anything by hand. As a kid, craft projects were my favorite thing to do (besides singing and playing with animals), but it had been so long since I had time for anything like this, I forgot how satisfying it can be.

Why do I do this? I forget, even sometime avoid, the things that make me most happy, that make me feel the deepest accomplishment, because somehow they seem frivolous. I've fought this battle before, and I thought I had gotten through it. I know that creativity is what fuels me, what keeps me afloat in the sea of everyday chaos, what reminds me of who I am. Yet somehow, I forget to put it into practice.

It was nice to have a reminder.

craftiness

I have been making jewelry this evening, and it feels so good to be doing something crafty that I feel pleased with. Pictures to follow.

Wow, in many ways I cannot wait until this semester is over. It has been a crazy one!

beauty

My friends Phil and Allie in Pittsburgh posted this video that blew me away the more I thought about it. It's part of Dove's campaign for real beauty. This may be old news to people who have TVs, but since we are (thankfully) TVless here at my house, it's new to me.

still determined, despite having already failed

Technically, I have failed. It is after midnight, so technically, I already missed day 2. But, since I haven't yet gone to bed, I tend to consider it still the same day. (excuses, excuses...) But seriously, I'm not daunted, even by this initial failure.

Today was a fabulous day of thought and productivity. I am finally mostly caught up with the work I've been behind on for about three weeks. This accomplishment does more than just lift a weight from my shoulders, it reminds me that I do, actually, have the ability to accomplish things. It's the first time I've had that reminder in a while.

Plus, I spent three hours engaged in deep conversation with friends at Panera this afternoon. I needed that, today. I need that more often.

Finally, for the past two weeks, I've been having weird, unpleasant, disturbing dreams every night. Thankfully, on Friday night, the trend was broken when I dreamt that Adam and I were househunting in Ireland. We came upon a house by the ocean, and upon taking a little raft out into the water we came upon two dolphins and a penguin, because you know how Ireland has all those penguins. I used to have swimming-with-dolphin dreams quite regularly, but it had been a while, so I was ecstatic to have the dolphins come back into my nighttime journeys. Not sure where the penguin came from, but hey, I'm just glad he wasn't The Penguin, because that would have probably made the dream a little disturbing.

This is an actual photograph I took in my dream. (Well, our 2004 trip to the east coast seems like a dream...)

blogging every day anyway

One month left of 2006. Perfect time to make an Old Years Resolution. I hereby resolve-- because damnit, I don't have enough to do already-- to post EVERYDAY on this blog, throughout the month of December. I missed National Novel Writing Month (read here about some participants) and National Blog Posting Month, at least, I missed the beginnings of these months (suspiciously both within the same month) and thus ignored them almost completely until now. But I am slowly becoming more disciplined about my writing, and this seems the perfect way to help that along, despite the fact that I pretty much missed the boat everyone else was on. (As my mom told me over the phone on Thanksgiving, I always did march to my own drum-beat anyway.)

So, get ready. And feel free to post all the encouraging comments you can dream up. I'll need all the support I can get!

p.s. and please ignore the fact that I already missed the first day of December. I didn't think of this until this morning! :)